Don't wanna Eat Anymore
by Smurfette101
Summary: Amidst kaneki's madness and insanity Touka watches from the sidelines unable to even see him, talk to him, be with him,comfort him or even touch him. Two lonely ghouls in need of a hug...


**hi, just finished reading the manga and watching the anime. i have to say... it's so fucking sad. kaneki has been through so much that i just...! omg...**

 **anyway here's a bit touka and keneki angst. i think this set after fights kishou arima and...survives (uugh the feels hit me so hard talking about it) and touka finds. it's not as good as i wanted it to be but it's here anyway. enjoy :)**

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Don't wanna eat anymore

* * *

 _I live to fight for those I care about._

 _I have to make sacrifices._

 _To save everyone._

 _I have to save them._

 _I have to save them._

 _I have to protect them._

 _I... have to...save everyone, the manager, Hinami, Touka..._

 _Touka-chan..._

 **CENTIPEDES IN MY EARS...! FINGERS TWISTED AND CUT OFF...! INSIDES GENTLY SCRAMBLED... BEATEN HALF TO DEATH!**  
 **ONE HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN, ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN, ONE HUNDRED- ONE HUN- ONE...!**

 _'Why did you end up like this?!'_

 _Touka..._

 _Why?_

 **I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I, I'm SO SORRY!**

"Kaneki..! Kaneki-kun!"

 _Who's Kaneki...?  
_

"Please wake up!" He didn't reply.

"Please... it's me.. Touka... please open your eyes and look at me...!" Her voice was coarse from screaming.

He looked at her. She gently punched his chest as she silently sobbed incomprehensible mutters.

"Please..." She breathed unevenly.

His chest ached at the sight. "Touka..?" He stretched out his fingers to touch her.

 _Is this real?_

She immediately looked up to make sure if this was real too. Her face was puffy and red, tears staining her face.

"Kaneki...!" Obviously overwhelmed, She grimaced with tears spilling over. She grabbed his shoulders and continued to agonisingly cry into his neck. Giving a relieved sigh, he looked over her trembling self carefully and felt a familiar feeling come over him.

Uselessness.

He was supposed to protect her. To save her. Now instead, she was without a doubt broken, knowing that the people she cared for were hurt and most likely killed; and she could do nothing but stand by. He failed. And now he was rendered powerless.

Her fingers trembled but solidly held onto him with a vice grip. She clutched onto his clothes and felt the blood and sweat on his skin. She could do nothing then, but now she had to endure the loss and at least hold someone she cares for. She gasped between cries and sobs as Kaneki sat tensely still, his head drooped in grief and guilt. She felt him trembling beneath his emotionless facade and automatically knew he was grieving too. She reluctantly pressed her lips onto the skin of the crook of his neck.

"It's okay..."

He widened his eyes and slowly relented. His emotions unbound. His rage released. His sadness overpowering his senses. His cry ripped out then; raw and coarse. Lonely almost...

Touka closed her eyes as she let him squeeze her back. He fisted her hair and pulled at her jacket in an attempt to bring her closer. He held her roughly in a kind of soft, selfish and protective kind of way. His tears smelt of blood and salt.

"I'm so sorry, Touka... it's all my fault.. i wasn't s-strong enough.." He kissed her hair sadly.

"It's okay..." she was running out of things to say and she resorted to using her actions by burying deeper into his bare collarbone.

"I promise... I won't let anything happen to you. I'll protect you..." His voice wavered but his words were sure and he continued to peck her tangled hair.

Kaneki was lost the moment she saw him with Rize and she knew she lost him _completely_ when he was taken away and tortured. Even the nicest people have their limits and Kaneki was no exception. He left anteiku to become stronger which of course she knew was none of her business, but in her opinion ridiculous. He came back broken instead, his sanity quickly crumbling and she knew it was already too late. In truth, she should have protected _him_.

She thought carefully about how she should reply and she looked up to see his lonely pathetic eyes.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." She whispered bitterly.

 _'your'e just afraid of being alone. in the end it's all about you isn't it?'_

Just like before, he was at first surprised, but the truth sank in. She was right after all. All he could do now was move on and hope for the best instead of making it into a burden for him to haul. He just didn't want to be alone...

He looked down at their intertwined fingers and came to a new conclusion. Don't just fight for her, comfort her, just be there for her. He stared at her tiredly and he finally relented.

"Sorry..."

His lips were chapped and she smelt so close. The numbing taste of blood and coffee comingled with the familiar scent of her hair and her breath. It was enough to send an almost murderously exciting trill down his spine. The ghoul inside him became savage quite quickly and he brought her closer still. She whimpered slightly when he pushed her down, his arms pinning her in between. The balm of the rough gnash of his lips left her with no other choice but to hug back; even amidst his pitiful growing madness...

 _Why, indeed._


End file.
